love.

I think I’ve cracked it. I’m not scared to fall in love again because I’m scared of getting hurt and being dumped (after two long relationships I’ve ended both of them). I’m scared to fall in love again and give myself to anyone as when I’m in love that person is my everything, I give them my all, everything, and anything that’s possible of me. I’ve never really been single and never had a chance to find myself, the past 8 months I’ve been experimenting with who I am, what I want to become and I have so much determination that I want to put in my future to make me a better person that I don’t want to fall stupidly in love again or give myself to anyone as I know it will take over my life again, and I’m scared I won’t be able to get out of it again and I’m scared I won’t find anyone on my wave length. I’m surrounded by people in my life that I feel have so many different goals in their life that are not along the same line as mine, or even worse they don’t even have any goals! Until I find someone who is even more determined than me in life to get somewhere and who I don’t feel as if need mothering all the damn time I’m scared to give my heart away again. If that means a few years until I am half way through university then be it. I have many years in front of me. I just miss being hugged of an evening and kissed on my cheek.